As I approach 30 years old (still cant believe I’m saying that) I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on the paths I’ve taken and not taken; the people I’ve be-friended and those I’ve lost; where my life is and where it is headed, and also remembering where it has been before. The one common thread to all of these things is growth.
Did you think I’d say change? Most people would. In my experience however, we do not change, we simply grow, or mature, as an individual. We may change our mind or our views or the idea of what we want, but we are still the same person deep down inside. Whether deep down you are lazy, or a hard-worker; an over-achiever or a worrier; a nurturer or a complainer; or even some combination of these traits—that is who you are and what makes you you. Sometimes people get so caught up in trying to change what their natural born traits are and it can cause a great deal of stress when they find that they are inevitably still the same.
I used to feel that I knew what I wanted; that I had found what made me happy. I thought I had finally come to a path that I’d ultimately stay on and feel content with, or in the least, relief from the stress of answering the question “What is my purpose?” But now I realize the answer to that question has changed. And you know what? That’s o.k.
In the past 5 years I’ve grown tremendously. I’ve developed my strengths but also found new interests, new hobbies, new things that make me happy. As a result, I ultimately have begun to feel an overwhelming need for change; for a deviation from what has become the norm. I crave a new adventure, excitement, something to make my wheels turn and work harder than before. It’s not enough for me to breeze through a day and perform tasks that have become mindless monotony. I need a challenge to keep me moving forward, instead of walking in circles.
As 30 hits me, I also view my life differently. I no longer feel that my career should take precedent. What really matters is the relationship I’ve let take a backseat; the friendships I’ve put on the sidelines; And most of all, the memories I’ve passed on creating with family. And for what? A false sense of security through a paycheck that, in all honesty, is not guaranteed from week to week? I’ve let my life be controlled by caring too much about something that doesn’t care about me.
As I approach this milestone age of 30, I’ve decided to make a difference in my life. I’m going to follow my heart; I’m going to dream big while knowing that no dream is too big to make a reality; I’m going to make my relationship, my family and my friends my priority; I’m going to find a balance between what I want to do and what I need to do. I don’t want to look back and regret not doing the things I wanted in favor of the things I thought I had to do. This is my life and I only get one. It’s time I care more about what really matters: Life, love and friendship.
I’m not a different person, and I’m not going to try to be. I’m just going to live better, live happier, while still being me. I’m 30, and this is how I’ve grown.
I love my job. Do I make a ton of Money? No. But something I’ve come to learn, that I think most people take decades to realize, is that loving what you do is more important than the money. All the money in the world couldn’t make it easier to get out of bed when you dread the 8-10 hours ahead of you.
I work in a retail clothing store running a store on a team of 8 people. Everyday is full of surprises, and theres a really nice balance of office work to human interaction. I love my team, and I love the company I work for. Did I ever think that this is where I would be at 28 years old? Most definitely not. After High School I imagined myself in a nice 9-5 office, getting my work done, heading home at a decent time and making a hefty paycheck. Clearly things didn’t work out that way, mostly because I came to realize that it was never my dream. It was the dream that others had for me. I spent 5 years of my life working towards a degree that wasn’t really in line with anything that I truly had a passion for, but instead just knew would be ideal salary-wise (or so I thought at the time). Had I followed my gut and instincts I would have pursued music, or modeling, or went to cosmetology school and became a make-up artist; a multitude of options that my heart was in, and that didn’t involve me entering the work force with 5 years of debt totaling well over $90,000. Instead, I had to find my way in a world ready to chew me up and spit me out for the person behind me who they could pay a little bit less because they didn’t come from a school with a name as prestigious as mine. Needless to say, I spent quite a few years wondering where I was headed and feeling like I was so far off of the path of success that I had mapped out for myself.
It’s no secret that we are living in a world where building a career has become increasingly difficult. People are desperate for work and jumping off the ladder they’ve climbed for years because industry after industry has started to cut back on job offerings. As years pass, most people are going to school and graduating with as much optimism possible, only to find themselves struggling to make ends meet in an unrelated field, under the weight of heavy debts crushing their original dreams with each passing month.
I think as a society we have pushed one another into this idea that you MUST go to college, and the only respectable careers are becoming a lawyer, a teacher, or a medical professional. There is so much pressure on kids today to go into these careers that are a “sure thing” financially, and as a result the respective industries are flooded with applicants, but lacking in opportunity, leaving so many lost and confused as to where life is taking them.
As someone who has felt this struggle, and succumbed to the pressure by actually turning back to Waitressing/Bartending just to survive, I can say that people need to turn the page back to the things that made them happy before they ever embarked on their original careers. What was it that you couldn’t do without? What was the passion that you gave your all before life was all about money? It’s time to start thinking outside the box, and taking your core strengths and applying them to fields that mean something to you; industries that you have a true interest in and passion for; but overall, to just find happiness in what you do. Eliminate the stress and the pressure to be someone else’s idea of success and create your own definition. If that means working two separate jobs doing things you find fun, interesting and fulfilling, then so be it! It will never be “work” to you if you love what you are doing, you are enjoying every day and looking forward to the challenges presented.
Break free of the chains society creates in telling you what success is. Success, to me, is achieving happiness in all areas of your life and the career you devote 8 hours a day to should be no different. Follow your dreams, past or present, and do what makes you truly happy. The harder you’re willing to work, the better. You’d be surprised at the difference it makes when your heart is truly in it.
©Justaneverydaygirl.tumblr.com - Dolores Anne
How many times have you heard someone ask “How do I know for sure that he/she is ‘the one’?”, “How do I know when I’ve found ‘the one’?”
There really is no right and wrong answer here, as everyone has their own views of what constitutes finding “the one”. I believe that it comes down to the level of simplicity that person can bring your life to. Let me explain.
One of the most common phrases heard as we grow up is “I wish I was a kid again.” Why is that exactly?
Well when you were a kid, life was simple. There were no bills to worry about, no job you were required to be at, no stress about where you would be in 5 years; tears could be halted by an ice cream cone, having only $5 meant having endless possibilities, there was no insurance or car payment for your Big Wheel, and your greatest memories took place at the playground. When you were a kid you had not a care in the world—your biggest concern was how to get Barbies’ hair back after you cut it off, or how to fix the broken wheel on your favorite Hot Wheels car; if you didn’t like something, you said so, and when you knew you liked something you never let it go (like your favorite blanket, or teddy bear). The scariest parts of your life were looking under the bed at night, or telling Mom you broke her favorite vase. But no matter what happened that day, you looked to the next day as a new adventure waiting for you to embark upon.
So find that person who makes you forget about all the things that bother you when you’re around them. It could be for 5 minutes or 5 days, but in that time you’re a kid with not a care in the world. Find that person who makes the most mundane activity seem as fun as your favorite past-time, and in those moments you’re a kid amused by the littlest things. Find the person you can feel comfortable telling exactly what is on your mind to, and at those times, you’re a kid who tells it like it is, unfiltered and free. Find the person whose heart you hold and protect, like a kid who would never break their Mother’s prized possession. Find the person who gives you butterflies with just a thought of them, and you’re like a kid with their first crush. Find the person you are always comfortable around, the person you want to hangout with everyday, the person you talk to in voices and with words you don’t use with anyone else, and you’re a kid who found their “BFF” (or BFFL depending on your level of coolness).
Being a kid was simple, it was effortless—and true love should be no different; effortless. As adults we have enough to worry about in our lives, and the last thing we need is something else to complicate it, something else to question. Love shouldn’t be a question, you shouldn’t have to “work” at it—it’s not like we “work” at feeling sad, or “work” at feeling happy, and you didnt have to “work” at being a kid. Loving someone in terms of that person being “the one,” being in love, should be Black and White, no shades of gray. You love them entirely, or you don’t love them at all. Like a kid, so innocently, you love them when you have a fight, you love them when they do something sweet, you love them for their flaws, you love them for who they are completely. That’s the difference between just a boyfriend or girlfriend, and “the one”.
So I say, when you find that person who makes you feel like a kid again, it is then that you’ve found the one, because that’s when you’ve found someone to share the kind of love and feeling that comes effortlessly. You don’t have to question it, you don’t doubt it, and you certainly don’t have to force it. That’s when you just know.
This has been another Happy Thought with Dolores Anne.
©Justaneverydaygirl.tumblr.com - Dolores Anne
Think about the happiest time in your life
Now think about the people who were around to share it.
Think about the lowest point in your life.
Now think about the people who were there to help pick you up.
Is the list the same? Probably not entirely.
In our lives we continuously have friendships that come and go. Some end because we have a fight, some end because we grow apart, and some simply fizzle out due to a lack of effort by both sides. What it all boils down to, however, is that for some reason or another, these people were not vital to your life and to your overall happiness. But what about those people we hold on to who we know provide us with no positive influence? What about those people we know are just plain toxic?
You know who I’m talking about. The person who only cares about themselves; who is constantly negative; the person who focuses on what they don’t have, but not on how to change it; who only makes friends with people out of convenience; who makes friends with people because of what they can take from them; who only comes around when they need to vent, or when they need something; who in reality never really makes any real “friends” at all? You may have experienced them lose friend after friend— and at some point, you have to realize that it can’t be everyone else.
We know they won’t be there when we need them, we know they won’t ever be the ear to listen, or the shoulder to cry on. Sometimes we know we can’t trust them; we know they’re the ones talking about everyone you know behind their back—-and therefore, possibly doing the same to you. The person who is constantly LOOKING for drama, to the point where if there isn’t any, they basically create it for themselves. The person who asks for advice on the same situation, time after time, but continues to make the bad decisions, and expects you to be surprised that their situation always turns out the same. It’s the same person who isn’t there for you when things are tough; but is at your door when things are easy. The same person who calls you when they need you to go somewhere, but ignores your call when you need them to tag-a-long with you. The person who turns any conversation about you, into something about them. The person who shows no interest in the things going on in your life, but insists you be around for the things going on in their own.
With so many relationships, and friendships, and people in our lives, what is the sense in holding on to these people who do nothing but take, take, take? To these people who take your mood from bad to worse? To these people who become poisonous to your happiness, well-being, and growth as a person?
Life is so short, and as we grow older we have less and less time to spend with the people we really care about. The need for an entourage of friends begins to decline. and when we’re facing real and true LOW points in our lives is when we tend to really see people for who they are. It’s also when we realize who really matters, and who doesn’t. It’s important to take a look at the people you surround yourself with. Take a look at the effect they have on your life, or lack there of. It can be hard to let go, but it’s important for you to realize that these people hold us back more than they help us. You may not always see it right away, but don’t forget how much misery loves company—they’d keep you in the hole you’re in just as quickly as they’d be the one to put you there to begin with.
Why sacrifice precious time that could be spent with people who truly care, for people who look at you as just a number in their phone, just a name on a list of people to call when they need something? Why would you want any person in your life who makes you feel anything but good? Why would you want any person in your life who doesn’t show genuine interest in the things you do or say? And most importantly, why would you want any person in your life who you just can’t trust?
A real friendship is one that is built out of a mutual appreciation and understanding of one another. You may not always agree, and you may not get along 100% of the time (we are all human and we make mistakes!) but you WILL always respect and care about one another. You will want to be there for them as much as they want to be there for you, both when you’re up and when you’re way, way down. You will care about what is going on in their life, and they will be the ones to show you that they care about whats going on in yours. You will trust one another, and you will be thankful for one another.
As you read this, I’m sure a list of names came up in your own mind.
So you have the choice—INVEST your time in your true friends—-or WASTE your time with your toxic acquaintances.
This has been another Happy Thought with Dolores Anne.
Until next time…
So by a show of hands, how many of you are guilty of telling someone that you love them when you realllly don’t?
And by show of hands how many of you feel someone has said “I love you” to you without meaning it?
We are all guilty of it, a victim of it, or some even both.
Someone once said to me:
"You could be a total stranger and it’d still be the hardest thing in the world to tell you the last words you’d ever want to hear."
Well that couldn’t be any more selfish could it? Sounds like: “It’s so hard for me to hurt you with a few words, but being a cheater, lying to your face, pretending I’m happy, living a complete lie—-piece of cake with a cherry on top!” “Actions speak louder than words”, anyone?
So the question here is why do we do it? We know that it’ll only hurt the other even more once the lie is finally revealed. The longer you hold it in, the more time that passes, the more painful the break.
It is FAR easier to find someone you’re compatible with on all the right levels, someone you can live with, someone you can ACTUALLY love, than it is to live a lie. All you end up doing is letting the charade eat at you while you ponder how to break the news; while you fantasize about what being single again would be like, maybe even crossing that line to see what it feels like to be with someone else. We all know that only complicates the situation further, adding a third element to the already flawed formula. Meanwhile, the solution is easy: if you’re not happy, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
You want to pretend like you “care” about your significant (or should I say “insignificant”) other so much that you don’t want to hurt them by ending the relationship, but take a step back for a moment: Do the rest of your actions in the situation reflect that same “compassion”? Like when you’re flirting with other people? Or sneaking around? Or lying? Or just the plain fact that you’re completely wasting that persons time, prolonging a false sense of happiness and content, and being all around reckless with someone else’s heart and future? Who are you really trying to protect here? Hmm what’s that smell? Is that…cowardice? Ahh yes.
GET OVER IT! We’re adults here, right?. If as an adult, you can’t grasp the concept that not every relationship is forever, then you certainly have a great deal of growing up to do, and are probably not ready to actually Love someone.
It’s better to feel the pain temporarily than to live miserably indefinitely.
There are millions of people in this world, and if one relationship doesn’t work out, there’s another waiting to begin. By keeping your true feelings inside you’re just hindering the other person from from finding someone who actually WILL love them. The tears, the hurt, the anger, the sadness— all those negative feelings you will most likely invoke—they will go away in time. I can’t imagine many people would opt for a few months (or even worse, a few years) of being deceived, as opposed to a few days (or weeks, if that) of feeling sad, because in the end we all realize that Life Goes On.
It’s not the end of the world, your life is not over, you will love again, you will be happy again. (Despite how many times you cry and scream and shout the complete opposite. It’s fine, everyone does it.)
What it all boils down to is the idea that our personal happiness should be first and foremost. So quit pretending like you’re oh so compassionate and caring in not wanting to “hurt” someone with the words “it’s over”, when you find it perfectly acceptable to do anything and everything else that could crush them far worse.
Moral of the story: If it’s not working, do each other a favor and face reality. For whatever the reason may be, accept that the fire is out (or maybe that it was never there) and just let go. Stop wasting time (yours and theirs), stop being a scumbag, and just move on. At least in the end you’ll both have the opportunity to actually find happiness without the added guilt stemming from extended periods of deceit.
This has been another “Happy” Thought with Dolores Anne
Felt this was a good re-post for the New Year :)
Despite being only 25, there are things I’ve come to learn in my life that take others a lifetime to see.
Things change, both in relationships and friendships. People come together, and people grow apart. You fall in love, and you fall out. Once you know it’s not working, and you’re not willing to work at it, it’s over. You can’t make someone love you, and you can’t make someone be faithful to you. It’s OK to let go, and if you’re not happy, consider it a requirement that you do. Your happiness matters above all else. Life is too short to be anything BUT happy. Never be with someone just because you’re lonely, or because you don’t want to hurt them. A broken heart will mend—but the longer you live the lie, the more painful the break, and the longer it takes to heal.
Both life and love have the ability to lift you off of the ground. It’s like having the ability to fly. You’re soaring through the clouds, yet in the back of your mind you know that if you fall, you’re going to fall hard and fast; and yes, it will hurt like hell. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to have someone ready to catch you. Other times you’ll be left with cuts and bruises, but they always heal in time. Either way, you eventually find yourself back up on your feet and back out on the road waiting to take flight again. (If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.) Sometimes you won’t know where you’re going or where you’ll end up—but what you come to find out is that the only directions you need are in your heart. So follow it.
Live life with no regrets. There is no such thing as the “wrong” decision. We should always remember that the choices we make are what shape who we are and the life we live. You make decisions because it’s what’s right for you in that moment. You can’t change the past, so believe in those choices, no matter the outcome. Cherish the good, and learn from the bad.
Follow the dreams that scare you the most, because in the end they’re the most fulfilling. People fear the unknown, but it’s when we’re tested that we find it in ourselves to keep moving forward despite the uncertainty, the fear, the tears, and the doubts. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Find the courage to do that thing that’s crazy, to take the chance that scares you; because when you do, you let people in, you give second chances, you follow your dreams, you experience life.
You really can do anything you put your mind to. We all know who we want to be, who we want to become, and that person does exist—but it lies in the wrong turns, the ups, the downs, the hard work, the friendships, the laughs, the tears, the love, and the heartache;All the things that make up this thing we call “Life”, SO LIVE IT. Love yourself completely. Hold onto the people who make each day better, who make you smile, and who only make you cry when it’s from laughing way too hard; Let go of the people that bring you down. Follow your dreams. Fall in love, and love with all of your heart. Find the person who loves you for who you are and love them for who they are in return. Trust your instincts. Give people a chance. Be spontaneous. Learn to forgive when it’s deserved. Let your friends and family know that you love them as often as you can. Take chances. Follow your heart. Let go. Be who you are, and never change for someone else.
Believe in yourself—-Believe in family—-Believe in friendship—-Believe in second chances—-Believe in Happiness—-Believe in Love.
Here’s to a New Year everybody…..
©Justaneverydaygirl.tumblr.com - Dolores Anne